WEEKEND OF JULY 21-23, 2010

GOOD EVENING FRIENDS!

I was asked about pain. How you can you be so upbeat and happy in a world of pain. It is all around you. Sickness, heartaches, disappointment and betrayal. Yes, it is quite a lot to take in as you try to live your life, as you travel the pathway on your journey to joy.

Joy is not the absence of pain, rather it is the acknowledgement of sorrow, but your willingness to push in the face of adversity. It is the ability to recognize what your pain is and still pursue your goals and live the life you have dreamed of. Tough road to hoe, yet you do it anyway.

Did you ever have sweater, not a smooth, buttery rich Cashmere one, but a woolly, itchy one that just makes your skin crawl. I had one, still do. Every now and then I try it one, it is so beautiful. Rich in color, and it fits so good. One problem though, every time I try the dam thing on, I can't wait to tear it off me.

To me that sweater represents pain. How you may be thinking, Robb is really reaching on this one. How the hell can life lived with intense, paralyzing pain have anything to do with an itchy sweater. Well, I say, give a second here and I promise you I will get to the point. As I was saying, I keep taking out the dam sweater and trying it on knowing full well that I can't stand it. It still is going to itch, it still makes my skin crawl, and I still can't wear for more than a few moments at best. Well, that is the point isn't it. No matter how uncomfortable that sweater is, I still keep trying to deal with the discomfort, the pain as it were.

The same with pain. whether it is the death of a loved one, the disappointment of love, a bad business deal, or even something as trivial as the loss of teddy bear. We all feel an emptiness when we deal with pain. We eat too much, drive too fast, buy stuff thinking that it will fill the void in our lives. But to no avail, no matter what we do to ourselves or for ourselves, the pain is still there. We can't escape no matter. We even punish ourselves thinking that this will free us from the pain. Our obsessions are our ticket out, but of course it never is, never will be.

So what we find out, the lucky ones anyway, is there is no magic pill, no book, or CD or guru who can help us through the maze of pain. It is there, and will stay with us like a friend until we are able to seal with it, look it in the eye and embrace it. For those who fail to recognize the pain, the loves are spent in obsessive, over indulgence behavior in order to mask the pain, bury it under layers of food, stuff, and possessions.

So what does an old itchy sweater have to do with this, I have a point, I promise you. Well get to it already, I can hear all of you out there in Blogdom. well, here it is. The fact that the wool sweater will never bring me joy, that I will never enjoy wearing it and believe me I have done just that. I thought (wrongly) that if I would just give it one more try, wear for just a few moments more I could get used to it. I tried and and I tried, yet I could never get used that scratchy, itchy uncomfortable feeling. But I did come to the realization that even though I can never get used to wearing that wool sweater, I have tried to do it, that is all I can do. Now I know I will never, ever wear that sweater, in that knowing, I have had a sense of relief, a sense of resignation, a sense of peace that though I don't like that sweater, and I am sure there are countless others who feel the same ( so I am not alone), I understand in my heart of hearts that I now know this to be a fact of my life, and I am willing to live with it and go on with my life. No longer is that itchy wool sweater holding me back, no longer am I using that sweater as an excuse for not getting on with my life, besides there are other sweaters to be sure that I will be able to wear.

The point of the story is this, there is no escaping the pain of life's travails, there will always be "an itchy wool sweater" in our lives. You either have to put it on and maybe you can live with the discomfort, it really didn't kill you did it. Or you can decide that you can't live with the pain, but you can acknowledge it's existence, embrace it, try it on and then out it away with the knowledge that you have seen it, felt it, put it on and decided that although living with pain every single moment of your life is something that you have decided is something that is not for you. But you are not running from it, your are not trying to dull the pain (through food, drugs or shopping), but rather you have decided that it is here, it is not going away, yet it will no longer be your life. It now has a place on your shelf of life, and maybe every now and then you will take it off the shelf and try it on, or maybe you won't. At least you can now be honest and know that it is there, and even though it is not something you care to have with you everyday of your life, 24/7, you are able to for the first time perhaps to move on, move forward and live your life as you have always imagined, cognisant of the pain, but not defined by it.

So for today, for this weekend, take out that itchy, scratchy old sweater. Try it on, see where you are on the scale of life. Wear it, put it back on the shelf in the back of the closet, either way, you are now ready to live again, unencumbered, shackled by the past and to move forward on your journey to joy!

Have a great weekend,

Robb